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#28: Encore: Instead of Knowing the Rules, Quit Playing the Game

Whistle

IMAGE BY STEVEN DEPOLO

Dating is like a dramatic score to a movie.  It has the potential to draw you in and inspire you to fall in love with what is happening around you.  On the other hand, it can also lead you down the path where you learn the truth is not always what it seems.

For the most part when I talk to single women about dating, I normally get this response, “Dating sucks!  How can I attract a good man without all the extra BS and game playing?  I would love to be in a relationship and just skip this initial dating crap.”

To be honest, when I was single I thought the same way, until I learned something.  I did not need to know the rules, I could just quit playing the game.

First, I realized the only way I would attract a real man that I was compatible with was by figuring out who I was and what I wanted. You cannot assume someone else will figure you out and what you want before you do.

This is the most important step and most often missed by women I talk to about relationships.  

Second, after you know what you want, be upfront about it.  Say what you are looking for and do not take any grief about it.  I knew I wanted a man who would be honest and upfront about wanting a relationship rather than play a game.  He would first call me like a gentleman. Then he would ask me on a legitimate date where we would have good conversation to connect, and not make me feel like he was trying to get in my pants.  When I encountered something different, I ended it before it even began.

I stayed in control of what I wanted and what I was looking for.  No guy was going to make me think otherwise, because he was not right for me if he tried.

Finally, when you take yourself out of the game you get rid of all the stress that was attached.  Dating sucks when you are looking for the wrong things, do not know what you truly want or who you are, and put up with guys that choose dating rituals that you are not okay with.  In those scenarios, dating is stressful, overwhelming, and not fun.  On the other hand, when you have 1, 2, and 3 all figured out first, prior to reentering the dating world, dating is a fun and enjoyable adventure!

Over two years ago, I was enjoying my life, focusing on me and my goals, and not dealing with any crap from guys when my boyfriend entered my life.  He got my number, called the first time to talk, and asked me out on a date.  Calling might not be a big deal to you, but it was for me.  I knew he couldn’t have his attention twelve other places while he talked, like when someone is texting.  If he called, he really wanted to engage with me.  He was truly interested.  That is the sole reason I said yes to our first date.  I am so happy I did because it is a healthy, mature, and committed relationship.  The steps to get there though was me getting through 1, 2, and 3, first.  If you are unhappy with dating like I was, now it is your turn.  It is never too late.

Questions:  After reading this, is there things about how you approach dating that you realize you want to change to enjoy the process more?  What ways could I help you in this process?

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About Me

Hello, I am Joey Phillippi, a Licensed Master Social Worker.  My mission is to help you live a confident life, gain a greater understanding of yourself and others, and identify ways we can join together to positively change our world.

I have conducted many confidence interviews with women to gather additional insight to understand how to create a generation of confident women.  I write, speak, and coach on the subject of confidence to help women improve their lives and achieve their dreams and goals.

I am dating a wonderful man, enjoy traveling, riding motorcycles, exercise, living a healthy life, and look forward to becoming a mother in the future.

Read more about me