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#29: The Battle Women Cannot Afford to Fight

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Image By Todd Huffman

Growing up our parents told us, “treat people how you want to be treated.”  As children we learn to be nice, respectful, and trusting of others in our lives.  As we get older we learn the dark side to this coin.

What happens when people do not treat us how we want to be treated back?  

Trust is a funny concept.

It is something we give and hope others treasure it like a gift.  Sometimes though this does not happen and someone abuses your trust.  For something that is never physically seen, it is very damaging when this takes place.

I bet everyone of you has a story when someone took advantage of your trust and abused it.  They burned you, betrayed you, and hurt you.  It probably really sucked and now you are saying statements like, “ I do not think I will be able to trust anyone ever again.”    

Normally following these statements also comes floods of emotions where you feel like you did something wrong, you missed the signs, or “should have seen it coming.”  We start to think about if it was our fault in some way.  This is where life starts to get interesting.

The silly thing about trust is when someone burns you, you are quick to stop trusting others fearing they will repeat the same pattern.  In this same process somehow you allow the trust abuser to damage you even further, by not only distrusting others, you stop trusting yourself.

This is where I see the biggest problem, the moment you quit trusting yourself your confidence takes a negative hit.  Not okay in my book.  

 

Your focus is all wrong, completely on the other person involved.  Yes, that person wronged you and should no longer be trusted ever, or until they show efforts to earn it back.  There is a more important matter needing your attention though.

The focus needs to stay on you.  Trust and stand up for yourself always.  If you skip over this step, how the hell are you going to trust anyone else?  

This is very important and something missed often.  Do not punish yourself solely on the fact that someone else misused your trust. Reread the last sentence and think about it.  Have you been punishing yourself?

Remember back to how we can only control our actions and reactions?  This still stands true in where our focus should lie, on yourself.  Quit giving away trust freely to anyone.  Trust is something people earn.  No one is allowed free access to your life or to hear your story prior to proving it to you they DESERVE the honor and privilege.

People are going to be crappy sometimes and show their true colors are ugly.  This does not mean you should doubt yourself.  Always remember to trust yourself and your instincts.  Do not ignore it if you feel like there is something “off” with a particular situation or person.  Listen to your intuition because in my experience is is normally always right.

Realize sometimes you might misread a situation or person.  Learn from it and then more forward.  If someone abuses your trust use the opportunity to learn how to never put yourself in the same situation again.  Life is full of lessons.  They help us grow and become better versions of ourselves.  Trust in yourself, and in the process.

Cheers!

Question:  Have you stopped trusting yourself when others have hurt you?  How would trusting yourself help you heal from being betrayed?

Want additional help building your confidence?  I am available for one on one coaching sessions currently!  Check out the TCW Confidence Program page and sign up today.  Email me if you have any questions ladies.  Let me help you make 2014 the best year yet!

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About Me

Hello, I am Joey Phillippi, a Licensed Master Social Worker.  My mission is to help you live a confident life, gain a greater understanding of yourself and others, and identify ways we can join together to positively change our world.

I have conducted many confidence interviews with women to gather additional insight to understand how to create a generation of confident women.  I write, speak, and coach on the subject of confidence to help women improve their lives and achieve their dreams and goals.

I am dating a wonderful man, enjoy traveling, riding motorcycles, exercise, living a healthy life, and look forward to becoming a mother in the future.

Read more about me