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#32: The Trust Game

Broken Glass


Image by Rafael Saldana

Ladies, what is something you cannot see but is powerful, can change lives, and build up or destroy relationships?


Trust is an invisible but very powerful.  It is something we give to others and pray they respect and treasure.  Even though for something that you can never hold, it can create catastrophic damage when someone misuses it.  Trust separates the honest, reliable, and strong, from the liars, deceitful, and weak.  

By now in your life every TCW member has a story of when someone took advantage of your trust and abused it.  They burned you.  They portrayed you.  They hurt you.  It probably just really sucked all around.  It made you start to distrust others and probably not give trust so easily in the future.  I experienced in my past and the feeling our betrayal sucks.  

Joey, how do we move past this then??  

Working through these simple steps.

Step #1:

The first problem lies is where your focus is, on the other person involved.  Yes, that person wronged you and should no longer be trusted until they show efforts to earn it back.  Remember back to how you can only control our actions and reactions?  Unfortunately you cannot change how someone acts, you can only learn from it and control yourself.

Step #2:

You need to keep your focus where it should lie, on yourself.  You gave the trust to someone and they abused it.  It sucks for sure, but it is also an opportunity to learn and grow so you do not repeat the same steps in the future.  As long as your focus is on yourself, you can learn the lessons, take notes, and change your future.

The silly thing about trust is when someone burns you its easy to quickly quit trusting others around you, for the fear they will repeat the same pattern you just experienced.  In this same process somehow you allow the trust abuser to damage you even further, you start to doubt your trust in yourself.  NOT OKAY!!    

Why do you do this?  Because you start to think you messed up and somehow you should have been able to see this coming and not been fooled.  

Step #3:

Quit giving away trust freely to anyone.  It is something that is earned, just like entry into your life and for someone to hear your story.  Also, quit beating yourself up when someone else wrongs you because you probably did not know it was going to happen.  Just make damned sure it won’t happen again.  Learn from the experience.    

You do not have to share your life or make yourself vulnerable with others you do not feel comfortable with.  When did your parents ever saw, “Go ahead and tell someone all about you, even if you are not so sure about her or his character,”?  NEVER!  The thing every child heard growing up was, “don’t try strangers.”  This is still true today.

Step #4:

Believe and trust that your instincts are correct.  Do not doubt yourself if you feel like there is something “off” with a particular situation or person.  Listen to your intuition because in my experience it is normally always right.  People around you can be crappy, mean, hurtful, and all around sucky human beings.  Don’t let them manipulate you to thinking they are rays of sunshine brought to fill up your day.

Step #5:

Be willing to be open to new people coming into your life, while still providing some protection until they earn your trust.  No one wants to go through life without a companion or a friend because you are too afraid of being hurt.  Just be smart about the process.  Take time to get to know someone and slowly open up to them.  This is the best way to earn and give trust.

Here are the steps to play The Trust Game.

Question:  When is a time someone abused your trust and what helpful life lesson did you learn that you implemented into your life?  

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About Me

Hello, I am Joey Phillippi, a Licensed Master Social Worker.  My mission is to help you live a confident life, gain a greater understanding of yourself and others, and identify ways we can join together to positively change our world.

I have conducted many confidence interviews with women to gather additional insight to understand how to create a generation of confident women.  I write, speak, and coach on the subject of confidence to help women improve their lives and achieve their dreams and goals.

I am dating a wonderful man, enjoy traveling, riding motorcycles, exercise, living a healthy life, and look forward to becoming a mother in the future.

Read more about me